it’s crunch time for my bachelor video application. as you recall, oh trusty reader, i applied to be on the show. in a wine-infused typographical fury, i sputtered my hopes and dreams into a 500-character capped box and pressed SUBMIT. phewph. now some intern in burbank, CA, knows about my grimy ex and psuedo-surrrious romantic aspirations. don’t judge, honey mama. one day you too will be 22 and prioritize your rent and smelling good over finding hotties in the club! or… you are 22 and in a door-opening internship at The Bachelor headquarters and contemplating whether or not to buy color ‘clambake’ or ‘baby’s breath’ polish SO THAT you can look good in da club.
i digress. i need to make my video application, and so these are the scenarios i’m considering filming.
1) myself, dancing rabidly to hoodie allen’s ‘no interruption’ wearing nothing but neon pool floaties
2) silent take after take of me attempting to moonwalk (the most boring option)
3) in the financial district, surreptitiously approaching men from behind with a hip thrust and thumbs-upping the camera
which do you like?!