kelly cutrone

an unforeseen thing: i am obsessed with kelly cutrone. i want her to be my mother, and definitely my boss.

“WHA HAPPEN?” … i’m serious. maybe i do not admit that i watched all of the city, and all of kell on earth in an insomniatic (word, promise) 2 week stretch. why sleep when you can spend endless time gabbing with your glamorous bffs in people’s revolution? a soho marxist fashion commune? it may be true that i’m suffering a brief identity crisis in transitioning from teaching tree care workshops in east new york to chinchila clawing my way into digital media, potentially in fashion, but my maternal love of kelly is real and i won’t have you second-guessing my sanity.

if buzzfeed’s taught me anything it’s that enumerating shit is fun!

so one: kelly has a lust for life so great that her hair turned black and stringy from having molten igneous blood. grendel is to beowulf as kelly is to model x. her mother was actually half panther so that’s also why. consequently kelly’s daughter, ava, always beats suri cruise in chelsea piers gymnastics class because she is quarter panther and boasts a high ratio of fast twitch muscle fibers.

1.5: kelly is the post-modern empowered new york woman — a gothic revival of her former, blonde-pixied 80s nyc-newcommer self — an entrepreneur and a humanitarian just tryna make the world a more beautiful place through high fashion pr. and hauling ass.

2: i’m 23, hear me roar. i want tough love. i want to get my butt kicked, work harder, cry (but go outside first), and then have my boss hassle skater boys into dating me. her word is gold. kell on earth was the best office perspective i’ve ever gotten. and i would love for her to personally form me into a career stallion with ineffable opinions and metallic efficiency. as my mother-boss.

3: fashion is cool, i’d love to be makeupless sleepless ogre cueing models

(4, interrupted): behind the stage for minimum wage.

5: kelly is not a bitch. she is the ultimate people person. people’s rev does not drag people down, it puts souls on a escalator to heaven that plays only gloria gaynor and men without hats on speaker. some may say she has no life. i say she has the ultimate life. in people’s rev, she’s created a matrix of family+work+live+love+glamour+pain that all of her employees clearly love hate. but think about it. if you only love something, don’t you get a little bored? are we anything without challenges? don’t you feel incredible when you’re exciting all emotions at once? that’s how coke snowmen feel all of the time <– snowmen made out of coke.


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